Archive for July, 2007

another great article i pick up from the net….

Saturday, July 7th, 2007
Question: Why do I get so jealous when my partner talks to other people?
Answer: When you first connected with your partner and looked into their eyes, it felt like he or she was the only person in the room. As you get deeper into your relationship and call yourselves a couple, the realization hits you: You and your partner are not alone on this planet. There are others! Are they a threat?
When we are in a committed relationship, we assume the connection we have with each other will be strong enough to fend off outside threats. In some ways, this you-belong-to-me-and-I-belong-to-you mentality is sweet; it’s the stuff of pop songs and poetry. But sometimes the intensity of that connection is too strong.
When one partner sees everyone whom his or her partner comes into contact with as a potential threat, it is a sign that jealousy has taken hold. Shakespeare called it "the green-eyed monster," and once it gets a hold of your relationship, it sinks its teeth in and can rip it apart.
What causes jealousy?
If you’ve got strong feelings of jealousy, it’s probably a sign that you don’t have enough trust in your partner that he or she is being faithful to you. That lack of trust may be prompted by one of four factors.
  • You may feel insecure about your self-worth. In these cases, either you’ve been raised to believe, or some part of your inner self feels, that you just don’t measure up. Because you don’t love yourself, you can’t believe that others would love you, so you live in fear that your partner’s "true" feelings will be revealed and she will leave.
  • You’re prone to cheating on your partner — maybe even have done so. Knowing what you’re capable of, you project that behavior onto your partner.
  • You and your partner haven’t yet figured out how to establish safe boundaries within the relationship. Having a tight bond is about building walls around your love with windows that allow others to be part of it — not doors where competing lovers can walk right in and disrupt your home. Because you don’t know what’s permissible within the relationship and what’s not, you’re constantly on your toes.
  • Your mate is cheating on you. Cheating doesn’t have to include sex; it often has to do with making emotional connections to others outside the relationship. If your partner is sharing things about your private life with attractive members of the opposite sex, it robs a sense of intimacy from your relationship and leaves you feeling vulnerable.
  • Knowing the factors that lead to jealousy is an important first step to getting things fixed.

    Put your focus on building trust. If you’ve got some growing up to do, therapy may help. Both of you have to learn how to set boundaries in the relationship. That requires respecting your mate’s definition of limits of outside relationships from the start.

    Over time, as trust builds, you and your partner can redefine what feels safe for the relationship. After all, when you’ve got a great relationship, you want to share it with the world.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

a great article i pick up from the net….

Saturday, July 7th, 2007
One day, you are madly in love. You’re cuddling on the couch, reading love poems and feeding each other sushi. And that’s when it happens: Your partner sits you down for the "It’s-Not-You, It’s-Me" talk. You’re confused and left wondering, "How could I have missed the signs?"
Breaking up is never easy. Your ego and heart are bound to get bruised. But if you could just see the breakup coming, it might make the whole business easier to stomach.
Top five signs you’re about to get dumped
1. Picking fights. No one is saying you have to get along 24/7. Constructive conflict can actually be good for your relationship. But if you find that your partner has become argumentative over petty issues like your clothes or choice of restaurant, that should serve as a warning sign that he/she may be looking for an excuse to bail.
2. Forgetting to call. Used to be that your phone would ring all day long with your sweetie wanting to make plans or calling just to say, "I love you." Now your significant other doesn’t even call when he/she is running three hours late. It may seem obvious, but going from speed dial to a blocked number is a sure sign that your relationship may be nearing its expiration date.
3. Changing their stripes. A major change in appearance can be a sign that your partner is looking toward greener pastures. Whether they’ve chopped off their hair, lost 40 pounds or gone from a bold brunette to a sultry blonde, major cosmetic changes should be noted. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being a little vain, but if the change is accompanied by any of the other signs listed here, you may need to get ready to go solo.
4. Criticizing. If your sweetie isn’t feeling you anymore, don’t be surprised if he/she becomes less tolerant of everything, from how you brush your teeth to how you tie your shoes. Constant criticism is a telltale sign that your days as a twosome are numbered.
5. Losing sexual interest. A healthy sex life can make or break a relationship. If you find that your partner is becoming more sexually aloof, you need to get to the root of the issue. While it’s natural to have less sex as you settle into a comfortable groove together, waiting weeks or months to have sexual contact is a sign that something is amiss.
Now that you know the warning signs, don’t panic. Just because your partner exhibits some of these behaviors, that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over. In fact, it’s usually a combination of signs and not one isolated incident that foreshadows a breakup.
If you’re worried that your partner is itching to get out, the most important thing you can do is sit down and discuss your issues in an honest and open manner. If you take these signs as your cue to improve communication, your relationship may just have a fighting chance.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »